With all this talk of New Years resolutions, from diets & exercise to learning a new language or going back to school, whatever the goal may be, opening a new chapter to self improvement can be very powerful. Unfortunately most of these well intended resolutions usually fall short, whether the goal is unclear or perhaps it is unattainable within our busy lives. We long for our old, safe habits. There's comfort in the familiar, even if the familiar is a painful, limiting idea of who we really are. How can we move forward, though, when every step toward change is rooted in a toxic relationship with the Self?
The hardest part about creating change for me is the concept of Self-acceptance: loving myself despite my flaws. It is only from a place of Self-acceptance that we can hope to rewrite our own story. To accept oneself lies in the ability to see oneself clearly–without judgement–which requires stillness, willingness and courage.
Patanjali, author of the Yoga Sutras, offers us five tools to help us on our path. The first is faith: faith in the process, faith in oneself and maybe (if this resonates with you) faith in grace or something infinite that is beyond our perception. It takes faith to get through those moments when it feels like all is lost. It also takes tremendous strength, which is the second sutra. The third is memory, which is crucial because without memory we cannot consider the lessons we've learned (but tricky, of course, because memory is seductive, holding the power to trap us in the past). Contemplation is the fourth sutra. Contemplation implies a commitment to really sit with yourself and listen for the answers. Discernment–the final sutra–is probably my favorite because there's immense value in the ability to know when to act and when to be still.
Embarking on the new year, I'm inspired to love, respect and trust myself. My New Year's resolutions are only as good as the soil in which they're planted and I believe my real work lies in the tilling, watering and weeding of that earth. It takes so much courage to be honest with ourselves, but perhaps even more to be okay with what we see. A healthy and respectful relationship with the Self fosters the skills we need to take the appropriate action–the one that's best for us.
May you move forward in the New Year with peace in your heart and a renewed commitment to loving yourself.
